Are you kidding? I think the real question, is “Do men like sex as much as women?” It’s been my experience that when women get together, we talk about careers, travels, problems in our various relationships, and sex.
There are differences, though, when it comes to men, women, and sex. Society treats women who like sex skeptically. Also, we can get pregnant. Until we had access to birth control, women constantly worried about getting pregnant. That can damper your sex drive.
Some women think they have enough sex. Some think they’re with the wrong partner. Some want what their friends seem to have. But a lot of them want more.
The sin is . . . being forced by a chauvinistic society to withhold our natural urges.
I grew up in a time when women weren’t supposed to talk about sex. We were expected to be compliant, willing, not too lusty, and not desirous. We were supposed to want it less than our boyfriends or husbands. Being attracted to other women was taboo.
The sin, I think, is not about having a lot of sex, but being forced by a chauvinistic society to withhold our natural urges. With the right person, sex is delicious. It’s one of the few things adults can do together that’s joyous and freeing.
Can There Be Too Much Sex?
I understand that not all women (or men) want to jump into bed with another person, and I don’t judge them. There are plenty of good reasons for that.
But for those who love to experiment, be touched, be adventurous, and orgasm—let’s not judge them either.
There’s a lot of research about women and their sexuality. We peak much later sexually than men, which can mean that by the time we’re in our 40s, men are often slowing down when we’re picking up.
Many of us have always liked sex but kept silent about it.
Many of us have always liked sex but kept silent about it. To be sexual meant we were loose, easy, promiscuous, tramps, or whores. We were desired because we were “easy.” And finally, we were dropped because we were good enough to sleep with but not enough to stay with. Who were these people who felt the need to label us? Plenty of men were intimidated by women who had sex with different partners, even if they did the same thing. Why were we supposed to cover up our sexual pasts? Or worse, be made to feel ashamed of them?
Unfortunately, what I’ve learned is that things haven’t changed much. That unfair ethos is still happening. A lot of our sexually active daughters are being treated the same way we were.
The Difference Between Men and Women
The difference between men and women is that we’re not supposed to be as sexual as men. And if men don’t want as much sex as society assumes, they can be judged for not being virile. That’s not fair either.
When it comes to sex, all of us—men and women—have gotten trapped in “supposed tos.”
Sex is one of the last frontiers where women have not spoken up for equality. We have fought for equal pay, a place in the boardroom, shared childrearing.
A lot of men love sex. A lot of women do too. The difference? Men are allowed to express it. Hopefully we will, too—happily, loudly, and without shame.
Meredith Berlin’s first novel, Friends with Issues, is out this month. Meredith was the editor-in-chief of several magazines, including Soap Opera Digest and Seventeen. Her freelance articles and profiles have appeared in dozens of newspapers and magazines. Meredith is a three-time Emmy-nominated executive producer and has been a regular on-air contributor to television news and entertainment shows. Like many former New Yorkers, she currently lives in Florida. Friends with Issues is her first novel. Read more at meredithberlin.com.