After NextTribe offered a trip to Scotland to its thousands of readers, we discovered something startling. Many women who regularly travel with us told us that as much as they loved the idea of an adventure in the Scottish Highlands, they couldn’t go there without their husbands. It seems the country is high on men’s bucket lists because of the manly pursuits like whiskey and golf. One woman who signed up actually dropped out because her husband got mad when he learned she was going without him.

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This development got us thinking about how the men in our lives impact our travel at this stage. Do some men make us feel guilty for pursuing our own journeys? Do others–who aren’t interested in travel themselves–feel relieved that their partners can take off on their own? How does traveling with a spouse affect a woman’s enjoyment of a trip? 

Is it possible that a woman might like Scotland better if she didn’t have to stick with her hubby? “I don’t know why he wants me to go with him,” said the woman who dropped out of our trip. “All he wants to do is drink at the distilleries and maybe play some golf. I’d like to see different facets of the country.” 

Still, she’s hoping to join a future Scotland trip with us, adding, “I guess it’s not so much that I was going to Scotland without him, he just didn’t want me to get there first, before he did.” 

Why Travel Without Your Partner

The reasons why women travel without their spouses are many and varied. For some, it’s a practical response to a partner whose job takes them on the road a lot. If they were off doing business in Paris, sure maybe you tag along. But if their main port of call is Peoria? Not so much.

We also hear from a lot of women who travel with us that their partners simply don’t want to travel any more or want a different kind of experience – maybe an all-inclusive resort vs. something more immersive and filled with cultural excitement. 

Practically speaking, separate journeys can make a lot of sense. “I do travel with my husband, but we also take separate trips,” says Lesley Sondey of New York City. “He travels a lot on business and goes on a couple of ski or golf trips with the guys, so I travel with four of my best girlfriends. We’re well-matched, and we’re curious about and enjoy the same kinds of things.” In fact, they operate as a finely-oiled mini travel agency, tapping specific skill sets. “One of us is the map, one is the researcher, one is the bank,” she says.  

A recent trip to Italy had them planning together and visiting cultural sites, museums, churches, and gardens. “Plus, when I travel with my girlfriends, I know I can pop into stores to look at clothing or pottery without worrying that my husband is standing around, looking at his phone.” 

“When I travel with my girlfriends, I know I can pop into stores without worrying that my husband is standing around, looking at his phone.”

I for one really relate to this; I once had a brief business trip to Boston that I was able to stretch out for an extra day. Had my husband been with me, would I really have taken him along as I crept around the perimeter of my freshman-year college dorm? Would I have spent some much time in my favorite used bookstore, still up and running, at the campus’ edge, or gone on a fool’s errand looking for that falafel place, beloved by 18-year-old me, that undoubtedly closed 20 years ago? Probably not. But I enjoyed every minute of my solo memory seeking.  

Traveling Without Your Spouse: New Experiences, New Friends

Saying bye to one’s partner and traveling solo, with friends, or with a group can also dovetail well with midlife and beyond, given how careers and families morph. For instance: “When my kids went off to college – they’re twins, so they both left at the same time – there I was, a stay-at-home mom trying to figure things out, feeling a little lost,” says our member Kelly Topfer, who lives in Austin. 

“My girlfriends and I started going to the Sundance Film Festival. It was so fun to see all those films and discuss them,” she says, “both with my friends and then with my husband and kids when I got home.” She didn’t stop there: “Then I discovered NextTribe and fell in love with the whole idea of it. The women I met were wonderful, honest, and non-judgmental. I felt such a connection, even before the trips, on our group chats.” 

“My girlfriends only travel with their husbands, but I’m adventurous. I like meeting and learning about new people.”

Traveling without your partner can also let you be, well, just you. It lets you stretch and feed your spirit. Leslie Mendel, one of our members from Atlanta, says that since most of her girlfriends travel only with their husbands, she’s found that small group travel suits her adventurous spirit. 

“I like meeting and learning about new people,” she explains, “and taking trips that are more local and off-the-beaten-path, where I can have experiences I wouldn’t be able to on my own.” One of her favorite memories was on one of our trips to Santa Fe, where the group had access to a private exhibition with the photographer of 60’s rock musicians, sharing stories of her wild adventures. 

For many women, traveling without their partner can feel like a weight taken off their shoulders. “Often, when women are on a trip with a husband, a lot of their energy is directed to making sure he’s having fun,” says NextTribe founder Jeannie Ralston. “And most women have come to learn there’s nothing worse than being in a glorious spot with someone who’s mopey or dragging his heels. If you have to prop someone up, always checking his mood, his reaction, his happiness meter, it saps away the joy.”

Plus, if you’re in a tight twosome, you’re less likely to interact with people you meet along the way. You’re more of a closed off presence. “Even at restaurants in the most exciting spots, I see couples in their 50s and up sitting at a table barely talking,” says Ralston. “I think most of us who see them cringe and make a small prayer that we never turn into that with our man.”

How Traveling Separately Can Supercharge Your Relationship

Here’s another reason to travel without your mate. Solo time is a relationship enhancer. Renowned psychotherapist and best-selling author Esther Perel, LMFT, says “When our lives are woven together, intentionally breaking our routines can become a ritual,” and one that enriches time with one another. 

“If our partner is in front of us all the time, a business trip away or time with friends can give desire the space it needs to thrive.”

Separate adventures can pull you closer: “Desire is rooted in absence and longing,” Perel has written. “If our partner is in front of us all the time, a business trip away or time with friends can give desire the space it needs to thrive.” 

“It’s nice to miss my husband and then share with him what I’ve done,” says Lesley Sondey. “It gives me new things to share. Plus, she says, the trips with her girlfriends often have all of them saying about their discoveries, “OMG, I’ve got to come back here with my husband.”

There’s no guilt in stealing away sans partner.  “My husband is supportive (also jealous!),” says Leslie Mendel. “I’ve worked hard raising a family and having a career. I deserve these experiences.”

One married woman who is going to Scotland found a way to present the trip to her husband who very much wanted to go along. “I told him I’d be scouting for our trip,” she reports. “I emphasized that my trip would make our trip better when we go together. That shut him up.”