For Dee Bynum, the smell of suntan lotion evokes strong feelings of nostalgia. She was 16 the summer of her first love. She spent hours hanging out at the pool with her boyfriend Doug, driving around in his red Datsun pickup, listening to the Bee Gees, Chicago, and Earth Wind and Fire.
For years—through college, a marriage to another man, two daughters—these memories were a bittersweet piece of nostalgia. But several years ago, the past turned into the present. And the future.
The First Time
A photo of Dee, Choir Sweetheart, in her high school year book.
Dee Pool and Doug Bynum attended San Marcos (Texas) High School together; he was a sophomore and she a freshman when they first met. “I remember seeing her outside the cafeteria and thinking she was really cute, but out of my league,” says Doug, 60, as he pats Dee’s hand at an Austin restaurant.
“I thought he was much too cool for me,” says Dee, 59, a church secretary. “I mean he played trombone in a jazz band.” They dated for about five months—attended prom together, traveled to the coast on a school outing, made memories, and talked into many nights.
“I was head over heels,” Doug recalls. “I remember standing in the driveway of her house one night telling her, ‘I’m planning the rest of my life around you.’”
Dee chimes in: “I was thinking, ‘Me, seriously?’”
Their love might have snowballed from there, except that Dee’s mother thought she was getting too serious too quickly. “She told me I needed to date other people. I didn’t want to date anyone else, but I was an obedient child.”
Doug remembers the break up as a “kick in the stomach,” coming out of nowhere.
“I still feel like I can’t apologize enough,” Dee says with a grimace, leaning into Doug.
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Teenage Love, The Sequel
Doug Bynum in high school.
The two went on with their lives. Doug married when he was 20; Dee, when she was 22. Their relationship could have been just another teen romance that died a natural death. Except that there is a sequel to this love story. A grown-up part two that demonstrated the incredible staying power of that first connection.
Following her divorce in 2005, Dee moved back to San Marcos after living all over the country with her military husband. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew Doug still lived in town but little else. She was keeping her head down, helping her elderly mother, and rebuilding her life.
Then while she was attending Texas State University, Dee’s oldest daughter by chance got a job working for Doug, the manager of facilities at the university. It just so happened that his marriage was in the process of ending.
Connected through Dee’s daughter, they began seeing each other again—in a friendly way. When Dee’s mother passed away in 2009, Doug helped Dee re-floor her mother’s house and paint the exterior. “I won’t lie,” Doug says. “I was helping so I could be close to her.”
Rekindled Love: The Great Courtship
While Doug knew what he wanted, Dee was skittish. “I was concerned about getting into another relationship. It was important that I got to a place where I knew I’d be fine without a guy.” But Doug persevered, even notifying Dee’s daughter of his intention to marry her mother.
“And the great courting began,” says Dee. “The chemistry was still there, for sure.” Doug appreciated being with her this time around “without the teenage angst.” Soon they began talking about rings, and in Dec. 2011, Doug staged a surprise proposal, playing the guitar at a restaurant and singing one of their favorite songs, “Have I Told You Lately That I Love You.”
At their wedding in June 2012, his two grown kids and her two daughters served as attendants. “We were old enough to understand what we were doing,” Dee says. “We had perspective.”
They say that one of the biggest comforts is the understanding that comes with having a long history. Plus, there’s a bit of early mental imprinting that keeps them young in each other’s eyes. “He still sees me as a 16-year-old,” says Dee. “And I see him as he was.”
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The What Ifs?
Doug and Dee Bynum today.
Indeed, in the era of Facebook, it’s easier than ever to find old loves and see if the fire can be rekindled. Sometimes the teenage heart was actually on to something. “These relationships were not a mistake in high school, just premature,” says Susan Heitler, Denver psychologist and author of The Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong and Loving Marriage. “They met someone appropriate for step five in life when they were only at step three.”
As happy as they are together now, and as much as they love their children, they can’t help but ache a bit for what could have been. “There are times we wish we had kids together,” Doug says. “But if we’d gotten married then, who knows? We might have messed it up.”
“We’ve allowed ourselves to imagine what traits the kids would have,” adds Dee. “But then I come to a very natural place when I know wouldn’t change anything about my girls.”
Dee sees their circuitous path to each other as a gift. “I would never make light of the hurt that divorce creates, but beauty came from the ashes. I see this as my do-over opportunity,” she says. “My chance to do it better this time. To do it right.”
Photos by Rebecca Bennett
A version of this article was originally published in February 2018.
Terri says
My husvand died about a year ago and I recently started daydreaming about my hs boyfriend. I broke with him 31 years ago. He was going to ask me to marry him and it was too much pressure at 17 to have my life all planned out by him. But, now, I am lonely and he was such a nice guy. I found him on facebook, but you have to be friends to see his posts. I verified it’s him by photos of his family on his account. I am afraid to contact him because of 3 issues. 1. What if he rejects me? I am vulnerable after the loss of my husband. 2. What if we get back together and he breaks up with me? 3. What is we get back together and I discover I don’t want to be with him and I break his heart again? I miss him and want to talk with him so bad, but, how??
Andrielle Hillis says
Please wish me luck. I recently reconnected with my HS sweetheart via his mother on FaceBook. We were together for two and a half years and broke up shortly after attending different schools.
Jeannie Ralston says
We wish you the best of luck. There is something about a HS sweetheart that is thrilling and keeps us feeling young.
MB says
I recently divorced after 27 years of marriage and reached out to old friends and well. I have reconnected with my HS sweetheart. We are both working through our emotional and mental scars from our past relationships. I hope to get to the point we can lay those things down more and enjoy more of the love we so desire to share with each other.
BB says
My high school sweetheart and I reconnected after 47 years. We’ve been together now for 9 months, and are truly in love. We believe God brought us back together. He broke my heart years ago, though I never stopped loving him. We know we are soulmates, and even at 65, we are looking forward to our golden years together.
Jeannie Ralston says
Oh, nice. This is a wonderful story. Thanks for telling us about your experience.
Karla Hart says
My husband and I were teenage parents, broke up and much later both being single got back together and have been married a decade.
NextTribe says
Love this story.
Diane Feen says
Cool. There’s hope for me.
Cathi Hanauer says
Such a sweet piece, Jeannie!
Laura Downey says
This happened to me in a way. After 20 years apart, we have reunited and have been together the second time for almost 8 years now!
Anonymous says
Natalie Benton Cunningham says
I married my HS sweetheart 22 years later 🙂 We’ve been married for 20 years now.
Jill Jorgensen says
No, I don’t want to reunite with anyone from High School. I want to move forward not backwards in time. Plus I had a high school bf stalk me for 8 years and only ended when I went to the police.
Wendy Schuman says
What a great story! I know several other couples who’ve found happiness with their high school or college loves after many years…
NextTribe says
We want to hear about them. We imagine a recurring story about reunited love. It’s such a wonderful thing when it works out.
Jill Jorgensen says
NextTribe it doesn’t work out all the time. A dear friend of mine reunited with her old boyfriend who she idealized and once married he became abusive, and wouldn’t let her see her dying daughter. When we idealize past relationships we often make bad choices.
Laura Payne says
I love this and I love both Dee & Doug! ❤️❤️❤️
Debra McCord says
This was beautiful
And at my age gives me hope……..
Andy Hutton says
I never knew this story, Dee and Doug! But I love, Love, Love it!!
Dee Bynum says
Thank you Andy- it was very sweet of Jeannie to want to write about our story- I’d never want to make light of the hard parts of this journey- but I do love our chance to love well, to love better- and we are both so thankful to have such amazing kids. Grace upon grace.❤️
Andy Hutton says
Beautifully said, Dee!…. and beautifully written, Jeannie!
Jeannie Ralston says
Thanks Andy. Sure was easy to write a nice story when you have two very lovely subjects.
Christina Grant Burt says
Jana Robertson Harmon
Jeannie Ralston says
Love and thanks to darling Dee Bynum and her handsome husband. What a great couple!
Anonymous says
dig out the yearbooks!