I was at my kitchen sink one night a few months ago, innocently washing asparagus, when a distinctive guitar riff suddenly throbbed from my countertop speakers. It was a sonic blast from my long-ago past (and the deep archives of my iPod library): the twangy opening cadence of the B-52s’ retro-rock anthem, “Hero Worship.”
By the time Kate Pierson’s wailing vocal dropped a few seconds later, I was no longer in control of my body. My feet leaped as though the tiles beneath them were hot coals. My hips yanked me around the room as if propelled by their own motor, my arms flailed, my head tossed wildly. This wasn’t cute, Nancy Myers-film dancing, where I would have been coyly bashful when I realized my husband was watching from the doorway. This was more like a seizure.
When the song finally faded out, I found myself stranded in front of the stove, slick with sweat, water still splashing unheeded over my vegetables. I felt exhilarated, but also weirdly dazed, like I’d emerged from sort of fugue state. What had just happened?
That was when it hit me—just how long it had been since I’d really danced.
In my youth, dancing had been my refuge. I’d discovered its power the way so many of us do: in my bedroom as a teenager, with the door shut and the stereo blasting. A high school misfit—I had only a handful of angsty, awkwardly dressed friends, and communicated mainly in grunts—I spent a lot of time sequestered like that. But I still vividly remember one day in particular, when after enduring the taunts of the football jocks who shared my bus ride home from school, I tore up the stairs of my house, slammed my door, and cued up my favorite song at the time: a thrashy Time Zone track called “World Destruction.” I proceeded to hurl myself around until I collapsed on the tatty blue rug.
I’d felt much better.
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The Black-Lit, Writhing Mass of Humanity
My gusto for dancing compounded once I got my first fake ID—an ineptly laminated card that looked like it had been made in some other high-school kid’s basement (which it had been), but which was enough to get me past the doormen at dance clubs around the Connecticut suburbs where I lived. The places I liked best tended to be gay clubs, with dim, tightly packed dance floors. Nobody paid me any mind there. While the other patrons flirted and posed, I was free to lose myself in the music of Strafe and Grace Jones.
In my 20s, once I’d moved to New York, I switched to clubs where big-name DJs spun. I’d skimp all week to save up for the pricey cover charges, eating instant oatmeal for lunch at the desk of my crappy job, and spend hours getting dressed and made up to pass the muster of critical doormen. Once inside, I’d happily morph into a dank, sodden mess as soon as I joined the black-lit, writhing mass of humanity.
But as I got older, the opportunities to dance dwindled. Clubbing eventually gave way to occasional house parties—boozy get-togethers at friends’ apartments that would turn wild when someone popped in a Breeders or Beastie Boys CD, and end with everyone wilted like Dalí clocks across the furniture. Then people started getting serious jobs, getting married, having kids
Where Are All My Funkaholic Friends?
And that—apart from a brief spate of weddings, where the hired bands all seemed to have the same song list—had basically been it. By the time I’d turned 40, I’d become a spouse myself—to a guy who, though wonderful in every other way, had not inherited the boogie chromosome. My onetime groove-loving kinfolk had scattered far and wide, and when the rare occasion to gather arose, we spent it discussing mortgages and after-school programs before turning in, exhausted, by 10.
The irony of this dawned on me after my impromptu kitchen conniption. Now that we’re all mature adults, with full-fledged stresses and responsibilities, don’t we need dancing’s cathartic release more than ever? Shouldn’t there be some sort of outlet for us? I don’t mean Zumba classes, with their sassy instructors and overhead lighting—but dark, primal congregations where us graying funkaholics can collectively forget our troubles, the way we used to?
Maybe I’ll start up a club. I’m seriously considering it, even though just thinking about the logistics makes me tired enough to want a disco nap. In the meantime, I’ve made some killer playlists, which are in heavy rotation most nights when I’m cooking dinner. If you feel like cutting loose, in company, consider this an open invitation: Come on over. Let’s remind ourselves together: We’re not too grown-up to get down.
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Kathy Garcia says
Just danced at a wedding 3 weeks ago! I didn’t care if I was the only one up there or with a crowd! It is such a release for me! I love to go to the clubs in the city but don’t get there often enough!
Jeannie Ralston says
Yeah. When I dance, I’m often not aware if I’m alone or in a crowd. Such a great feeling.
Jeannie Ralston says
Never get enough dancing.
Sunfell says
I loved the music, but hated the venues even when I was younger- too loud, too dark, and too crowded. But I dance in my home. But even better, I collect and curate electronic dance music. I fell in love with it when Giorgio Moroder and Donna Summer cranked out “I Feel Love” 40 years ago.
Now I’m learning how to make it myself, and am also creating mixes to share.
I’d like to see a dayclub for folks like us. Maybe not as ear-splitting in volume, coffee instead of booze, and an eclectic mix. I’d go to that in a heartbeat.
Jeannie Ralston says
That’s something!! A dayclub. I love it. Let’s do it!
Cheryl says
I have been asking “why can’t I go to a concert and dance, why do we stop?? I do wish I had a friend to join me on my authentic love for dancing and music new and old!
Next Tribe says
Here’s a photo of Next Tribe editor Jeannie Ralston, dancing with her then-86-year-old father. Get down!
Sacha Jones says
<3
Next Tribe says
How about this couple’s dancing? We think aging AND boogieing boldly!
https://youtu.be/ZfkmJpgI7ec
Elizabeth De Filippis-Ohman says
I will be 65 this month, I have never stopped dancing..I dance with my mate, my children, grandchildren and greatgrandsons. .I go to dance clubs, bars, restaurants and dance, dance, dance..
15 years ago I had seven heart attacks, my cardiovascular team put a pacemaker/defibrillator in me (three, to date) and I was good to go..Three pacemakers later and heart failure and I am still dancing.
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Being an adult is stressful, getting out on the dance floor is the best way to blow out the cobwebs..My grandchildren ages 1 year old to 24 years old , are always quick to teach me the latest dance moves..
This article was wonderful, you are right about dancing. Ladies and gentlemen get out on the dance floor and dance like no one is watching..Have fun, be young, let your gray hair hang down and shake your tail feathers.
Next Tribe says
Wow! This makes me feel like jumping up and cutting a rug right this very moment. Thank you for telling us about your experience.
Diane Fore says
Yep
Marla says
Hahahaaa! Love the phrase “impromptu kitchen conniption”… I have such fits about twice a month! Always feels great!!!
Carol Green says
the way to be
Tonya Love Deisner says
Here in Portland, I go to the 80’s dance video at the crystal ballroom every month or so. SO MUCH FUN
Diane Fair says
I love to dance & I do it every chance I get! With someone, by myself in a crowd..just do it!
Thomas Gray says
I used to dance all the time. I really miss it
Karen Ross Gelinas says
I dance in my kitchen every single day… ❤ I JUST started to hula-hoop… It’s Awesome!
Constance Fernald says
I dance in my kitchen too when I’m cooking sometimes ?
Jill Campana says
Oh my…I loved this. May I offer a suggestion to find a Nia (www.nianow.com) class! You will love it. Dancing with an Attitude, Loving Your Body, No Inhibitions Allowed. And if you’re in Wisconsin, you must come to one of my classes!
Jeannie Ralston says
We’ll have to look up this Nia class. Maybe we need to write about it. Thanks.
Marcia Dale says
Mae Whitten and Paul Simons Graceland will always be s happy place for me!
Mae Whitten says
For many years ??
Janet Siroto says
Me, too. Don’t hold back on the Parliament/Funkadelic on that playlist, thanks
Janet says
Loved this. I was just listening to “Dance This Mess Around” last weekend 😉
Anna Mals says
Yes! I used to love to dance, and I miss it! Start up that club, I’ll come!
Catherine says
I hear ya! Zumba is great but it’s not the same