Given that I’m 60—no spring chicken—I’m not against doing something a teeny bit unhealthy or unpleasant for the sake of looking as fab as I can and keeping an active sex life. I color my graying hair brown once a month—dumping dark dye onto your scalp can’t exactly be a top wellness tip, but oh well—and I endure a few milligrams of botox now and then to relax the frown lines between my eyebrows. Micro-needling is semi-torture, yet I did it last year on my neck and might again, if I get the nerve. I take vaginal estrogen even though it can cause itching, and I use a vaginal dilator between partners to keep myself from shrinking—a practice about as fun as root canal. No pain no gain, as we said back in 1983.

So when, recently, a man I’m dating suggested I try shaving not just my bikini line but the rest down there too, if I want—he was quick to say he liked me just fine as I was; it was more something that might be fun for both of us (heightened sensitivity, and all that)—I thought, Why not? I already trim, and I tweeze my bikini line; how much worse could it be to just lose it all?

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Which Brazilian Wax Is Best?

Okay, shaving could be worse, I considered, between the possibility of nicks and the irritation of nubbiness as it grew back. But maybe I could get waxed? I had done a bikini wax once, and while it wasn’t exactly Kripalu, it also wasn’t as bad as some things (see above: vaginal dilator). A Brazilian—removing pubic hair from the front, back, sides, and everything in between (though some call this a Hollywood, with a Brazilian leaving a small strip of hair in front)—would be more intense, but it also would be interesting to feel different down there at this age. Plus, it was fun to think of him even more turned on. And maybe I would be, too.

I thought it would be interesting to feel different down there at this age.

I jumped on Google and found a local waxing place. That’s when I got my first surprise: the cost. A Brazilian ran $56 at the closest well-reviewed venue near where I live in Manhattan; with tax and tip, I’d be out over $80. Not exactly a cheap box of Nair at CVS… but I also wasn’t about to slather chemicals or attempt a DIY on those sensitive areas.

The second surprise, or at least eyebrow raiser, was the intel that doing this can be quite painful—at least for some people. One site recommended taking ibuprofen or acetaminophen before you go, to help with pain and swelling. (Swelling?? Gulp.) So I popped a pill, and then showered, for obvious reasons. By now I had put in one to two hours, between research and prep, without even starting the treatment.

Does a Brazilian Wax Hurt?

The waxing place was clean and lively; the technician, a young woman, friendly and reassuring. Stripping below the waist and lying feet together with knees spread isn’t exactly classy, but I’m not shy about my body and reminded myself that this girl does this every day, so… onward. We even talked a bit about that; I joked that she must see a lot of you-know-whats, and she laughed and said, “Yup—even men,” which gave me a whole other thing to contemplate.

I asked the waxer what type of waxing most people get. “All off,” she said, with a shrug.

Once I was arranged, she asked if I wanted a “landing strip” (little rectangle of hair in the front), a “martini glass” (small triangle the shape of, you guessed it, or all off. Unsure, I asked what most people get. “All off,” she said, with a shrug. So I nodded, cuz that’s what I was here for, right? Then she got to work.

Having lived six decades and birthed and nursed two kids, I’ve been around the block pain-wise a few times. Plus, I’m not hirsute, other than my head. Still, as I’d never shaved or waxed under my panties, there was a chunk of longtime hair to take off. And then of course there were the areas “inside”—also, for me, wax-strip virgins. That wasn’t nothing—but hey, I encouraged myself, how bad could it be?

Well. Having someone spread hot wax on your labia, in your vulva, and in your asshole, and then rip it off, feels, frankly, somewhere between a-tad-too-kinky-for-me and downright barbaric. The sensation was a mixture of burn, sting, and punch, but even more, the brutality of it shocked me. When she yanked that wax away, I felt not just pain, but an odd combination of vulnerability and, like, damage. The skin down there is sensitive, thin; was it really okay to do this?

Afterwards, she slathered something on me—lotion, maybe? (I was too dazed to obsess.) At the checkout, as I shelled out twenty after twenty, I was encouraged to buy an additional product they sell, with lavender oil and glycolic acid, to prevent in-grown hairs. Since I now wanted to help my poor pussy recover —and since I had often wanted to put on something after tweezing anyway, but never knew what—I caved and bought the smallest size. Ka-ching! Another thirteen clams.

What Does a Brazilian Wax Look Like?

I shuffled home, feeling injured, pathetic, and sorry for myself; in front of my bathroom mirror, I gingerly peeled off my clothes to inspect. What I saw made me both angry at my lover for suggesting this, even though he’d hardly insisted, and horrified I’d acquiesced. For one, I was hairless in a way I hadn’t been for 47 years—and not in a way that was attractive to me. I looked like a child—except, I thought, less firm (and below an estrogen patch). For another, my skin was red and raw, almost as if scalded. For a third, there were a couple of small bumps close to my vagina that suggested mild/minor injury.

What I saw made me both angry at my lover for suggesting this, even though he’d hardly insisted, and horrified I’d acquiesced.

I wished I’d had the wherewithal to choose the damn martini glass. Then I wished I’d suggested he go have all the hair pulled off his dick—something I would never want him to do, btw; though I expect a lover to be neat and trimmed, a guy completely hairless down there would feel creepy and weird. So why were men so into this on women? It seemed wrong, even though some online research, though contradictory, showed that many men, particularly younger, prefer no hair down there (46 percent according to one study, 60 percent another).

Is a Brazilian Wax Worth It?

All this was starting to feel like yet another thing that women, while (yes, still) earning less, had to spend time and money on, not to mention endure discomfort doing, that men didn’t—even though I never considered this when it came to coloring my hair, keeping in shape, or wearing makeup or heels. Why was this different?

Probably because those habits all made me happier about my appearance; I was pleasing myself at least as much as a man. Also, though, while men, too, if they want to get some, need to stay fit and be groomed and (half) decently dressed, when it came to down there, we girls were the main ones squeezing this torture into our busy schedules and budgets—while for the boys, a few free snips with some scissors, done in the comfort of their home, made most of us women perfectly happy. Those fuckers. (Just kidding! Sort of.)

I had been confident naked—a blessing at this age—but now I resembled a 60-year-old pre-adolescent.

Over the next few days, the redness went down, and after a week or so a few tiny hairs started to sprout (but not itchy or stubbly or even very obvious; a whole different ballgame from shaving). But I still didn’t want my guy to see me that bare, which also pissed me off; I had been confident naked—a blessing at this age—but now I resembled a 60-year-old pre-adolescent, or a chemotherapy patient. I admit the sensitivity was heightened when he went down on me (and he remarked that the “softness” of my skin on his lips was “incredible”), but really, that’s plenty great without waxing; for me, it wasn’t worth the increased vulnerability-plus. So I told him he’d better enjoy this, ’cuz it wasn’t happening again. Okay, he said, happily. Whatever you want, Sweetie.

The Pros and Cons of Waxing

Still later, I read much more about waxing the works, now focusing on the pros and cons. I learned that there’s absolutely nothing unclean or unhygienic about pubic hair, and no medical reason to remove it—and in fact, many smart reasons not to. Pubic hair is good for you, protecting against everything from bacterial infections and even STIs to chafing or abrasion from sex. Taking it off removed all that natural armor. It also led to injuries. What’s more, it’s mainly because of porn that men often expect bowling-ball-bald on women. Ew.

It’s mainly because of porn that men often expect bowling-ball-bald on women. Ew.

Given all this, I now hoped for evidence that it was not only healthier to go au natural, but even—since, alas, we can’t all be porn stars—somehow fashionable, in certain circles? Reader, I found it. “Whether you just plain want to, or are newly inspired after letting your body hair grow out during lockdown, there’s no time like the present to embrace the full bush,” said a piece on (hello!) Vogue.com a couple of years ago. And just this past summer, a NY Post headline announced, “Women are refusing to shave their bikini areas in latest summer trend.”

Inspired, I polled a recently divorced, attractive male friend my age who’s been making the dating rounds. “Both of the women I slept with in New York City were unshaved,” he shared. “One had a full bush—like, not even trimmed. The other was trimmed, but not much. Like in the ’70s, but a little bit shorter.” He also told me he liked them all—a snatch is a snatch, let’s face it—and even appreciated the variety.

My research done, I felt vindicated, liberated, and happy for an excuse not to endure that torture—sorry, beauty procedure—again.

It’s now been a couple of weeks since my waxing experiment, and I’m pleased to see my resilient little Yoni starting to return to its more furry state. I’m glad I tried what I did, because, well, live and learn. Some well-groomed hair down there is, I’ve confirmed, what feels more like the me I’ve come to know and embrace: mostly natural, if enhanced just a touch now and then. But from now on, I’m keeping my bikini bottom safely on.

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