Air travel was once a classy activity. People even got dressed up for their flights. The food and beverage service was all first-class quality.  Except for smoking onboard planes (banned entirely a mere 21 years ago), being a passenger on an aircraft was calm and fun.

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Now, we read constantly about drunken passengers being thrown off aircraft, brawls breaking out at baggage claim, and flight delays resulting in people sprawled on airport floors and screaming at airline employees. Travelers capture the rude moments on their phones, and they go viral. Disruptive passenger behavior is at an all-time high, with 2,000 reported incidents in 2024.

But you can still do your best to be as calm as the clouds despite the turbulence around you. As a very frequent flyer, here are my best tips.

Before You Board

Here’s the starting point of Airplane Etiquette 101: Leave enough time to be well-rested and relaxed at the airport. If you’re checking your baggage, you won’t be freaked out if you have to wait in line. (And, if you have a choice of whether to check or not, consider these lost luggage statistics.) If you have a long wait at security, listen to your favorite tunes or chat with the people around you (provided they are receptive).

Membership in airport lounges may be well worth it if you’re a frequent traveler. Screaming children or loud cellphone talkers irritating you? Simply move to another part of the lounge. Sit in the quiet area to be extra zen for your journey. 

Although travel is often a splurge time for food and drink, limiting yourself to healthy snacks (and even bringing them from home if you’re concerned about airport selections) can impact your mood.

Have a long flight delay and feel trapped at the airport? Walk around the terminals. You’ll get in some exercise and can window-shop along the way. Some airports now have a vast array of amenities and can be seen as mini shopping and activity malls.  (But keep checking that flight time! You don’t want to miss your plane while studying new magazine covers at the concession.)

If you’re bringing a meal or snacks on the flight, be mindful of odor. You may love tuna salad or spicy beef jerky, but your seatmate may have different olfactory opinions. Flight attendants also have opinions on “good” and “bad” airplane food options. 

At the Gate and Boarding

If you have carry-on bags, adhere to the size rules (as challenging as that may be at times). Finding out at the last minute you need to check a bag or you can’t squeeze it into an overhead bin creates unnecessary drama. 

Resist the urge to jockey for the first position on line. You’re all going to board eventually. Let those wheelchairs and babies get comfortable. Follow instructions about boarding groups, period. Someone cut in front of you? Let them. Why start a journey with animosity?

I make a point of smiling at and warmly greeting every airline employee and flight attendant at boarding. It may not always be reciprocated, but kindness can go a long way. Airline jobs have become more stressful than ever, and I’ve found that establishing yourself as someone other than “just another rude and annoying passenger” can add a little joy to the day of being a gate employee or flight attendant.

Try not to hold up the people behind you as you’re boarding. If you need help hoisting your bag into the overhead, find the nearest tall and strong person and use that smile again. If you ask nicely, “Would you mind giving me a hand with this?” the answer is usually “Yes,” and you’ve made life easier for everyone behind you (and the crew on board, too).

Perhaps you are the tall and strong one. Offer to help others.

In Your Seat: Airplane Etiquette 101

Oh no! You find yourself sitting next to a sprawler, a screaming infant, a giant service animal, a smelly food eater, and/or an incessant chatter. 

If the flight isn’t full, you can nicely request a seat change from one of the flight attendants. Remember, you’ve already been extra friendly toward them when you boarded. Maybe you can call in a favor.

Are you stuck where you are? Tell yourself that the flight will eventually end. Make the best of it. 

• Earpods or headphones can be a traveler’s best friend. Invest in a pair of lightweight noise-cancelling ones. They do work. Even if you’re not listening to entertainment, they signal to others that you would rather not be interrupted.
• Ensure you always bring along some form of “analog” amusement, such as a book or notebook, magazines, puzzles, or a craft project (knitting, maybe). Wifi can be temperamental, and staring at the back of a seat can get boring, especially on long flights (despite a new, baffling trend among young people to go without any kind of distraction on a flight–a challenge called “flying naked”).
• Trips to the airplane bathroom are an excellent opportunity to make small talk with the flight attendants (if they seem receptive). My experience has been that they get tired of talking to each other during flights, and many are willing to indulge in conversations (when not busy serving or cleaning up). Some basic non-invasive questions I ask are, “How long have you been flying?” and “Where is your home city?” (They can be great sources of places to go in new destinations.  Over the years, I’ve heard some great stories and most people appreciate hearing something other than “Can I have more ice for my drink?”)

Wrangling Those Awkward Moments

If you fly enough, you have many stories to tell! Here are just a few:

I once found myself in that dreaded middle seat. I held out as long as possible, but my bladder was on the verge of bursting. The passenger next to me was fast asleep. I had no choice but to wake him. In this situation, you have two options. You can either gently tap the sleeper on the shoulder (and deal with whatever mood they may be in when roused) or leave it to the flight attendant (which is a cop-out but much simpler in many situations). Remember, you’ve already made friends with the flight crew, so they can be valuable allies!

To wake someone sleeping next to you so you can squeeze past, try a gentle shoulder tap or ask for an attendant’s help.

What’s more, if someone is giving you a hard time, whether infringing on your personal space or repeatedly banging the back of your seat, it’s often best to ask for a flight attendant’s help if your simple, polite request isn’t complied with.

Takeaway: Leaving difficult situations in the hands of the crew is usually a better strategy than dealing with fellow passengers, especially if they may not be receptive to your input.

A passenger sitting next to me once had a drug reaction and started convulsing. After alerting the flight attendant, I immediately vacated my seat and let the experts do their jobs. I ended up standing in the back of the plane for the duration of the flight. I got extra snacks and bonus air miles for my troubles.

Takeaway: Health emergencies happen. Try not to add to the problem by panicking or maneuvering so you can capture action pix.

We’ve probably all been there. The dreaded “violent recliners,” “seat stompers,” or “armrest creepers.” These people may be oblivious to the people behind, in front of, or beside them. They wind up in your lap, give you an unwanted back massage as they kick the back of your seat, or encroach on your arm’s personal space and mobility. Assess the situation. If they seem pleasant, just calmly and gently say something like, “Would you mind giving me a little more room?” or “I’m sorry, but I’m a little uncomfortable right now. I know these seats are really cramped, but would you be able to [fill in the blanks about what action you want them to take]?” Note that you’re placing the blame on the airline design and yourself, rather than being accusatory.

Takeaway: This approach may work, but be prepared for defensiveness and even irrational anger. The reality is that airplanes are often uncomfortable and many people believe that they paid for their seat and should be able to sit, sprawl, tap, and do whatever else is their human right. I don’t have an easy answer for this one. It’s hard to know when you are sitting adjacent to someone who is waiting to explode over this kind of thing. Just proceed with caution, and be aware of your own posture and how you might be annoying those around you, too. Some people find it helpful to recline their seat little by little, or to check with the passenger behind them, to make sure they are done eating and drinking, before tilting their chair back. And, again, if things get tense, asking a flight attendant to play referee may be your best move.

Mind Your Deplaning Manners

If you have a connecting flight, let your seatmates know you’re in a hurry. Sometimes, the crew will make announcements about letting those with tight transfer times leave first, but that doesn’t mean people will listen. I was on one flight where a passenger with a thunderous voice urged people to respect their fellow travelers who were in a rush. It was a bold act, but one that was appreciated by many. If you are in a rush, don’t just shove your way forward. State loudly and clearly something like, “Excuse me please, I only have 30 minutes to make my connection.”

Volunteer to help others get their bags down if they’re struggling and you’re capable. It’ll speed things up for everyone.

Good Baggage-Claim Behavior

Here’s our last aiplane etiquette area, and, I must admit, baggage claim may be among my least favorite places on earth. Many of us don’t trust that our bags will arrive. Some believe their luggage will come faster when standing closer to the chute or carousel. Let patience rule. An extra 10 minutes will not destroy your 10-day vacation. You may be more comfortable (and calmer) to hang back a row rather than deal with the pushy, all-elbow folks right at the front of baggage claim.

A 10-minute delay at baggage claim will not destroy your 10-day vacation. Don’t get caught up with the pushy folks at the very front.

The same holds for long waits for transportation pick-up. Remind yourself that you are here to relax, explore, and have fun, not win a medal for the fastest airport escape.

Breathe…Just Breathe!

View the foibles of air travel the same way you look at any temporary experience in your life. If you let the stresses and strains get under your skin, you’ll set a bad mood for the rest of the journey.

Plus, do you really want to see yourself on Instagram shouting at a flight attendant? We didn’t think so!