Remember when you were in middle school and some cute boy paid attention to you, maybe looking at you a little longer than any male but your father had before? Didn’t your stomach go straight to butterflies, couldn’t you feel the blood warming in your cheeks? Wasn’t it delicious? Truly, having a crush is one of life’s simple pleasures.
So we want to know, why would anyone want to give up that glorious feeling? We think it’s wonderful to tap right into it at any age, so we asked a group of 50- and 60-something women about their crushes. Here are some replies:
Viggo Mortensen.
Benedict Cumberbatch.
Absolutely NO ONE.
Jamie from Outlander
Idris Elba
Viggo again.
Are you kidding?
Andrew Coumo
Cillian Murphy
Prince Harry.
Don’t be ridiculous, I don’t have crushes anymore.
Uh, did I say Viggo Mortensen?
Some women told us they are in a constant state of infatuation; others say they haven’t had a crush since they were in high school. And many of those who do have crushes felt somewhat ashamed of them, as if they were a scarlet letter of I for immature.
It’s odd that we have such opposing attitudes towards this kind of lustiness. Our generation was certainly weaned on crushes. Perhaps you were one of those teenagers doing a full-tilt freakout when the Beatles blasted off the screen of The Ed Sullivan Show. Or maybe you carefully hung posters of Donny Osmond, David Cassidy, or Bobby Sherman from Tigerbeat magazine on your bedroom wall and kissed them goodnight after finishing your fifth-grade homework. Or perhaps years later, you went to see Purple Rain about 300 times, mesmerized by Prince. In other words, crushes are something we know how to do.
So why do we have such opposing attitudes to them now?
Read More: Online Dating Over 50: The Types of Men You’ll Meet As a Midlife Bachelorette
Having a Crush: Head Over Heels
Some women say they still get crushes and relish them. “I love that feeling of practically going weak-kneed over someone—it’s like, ‘I still got it.’ I can still feel that sexy kind of connection…my hormones are still working!” is how Michelle puts it. The object of her affection: Great Britain’s Prince Harry. “Who knew a redhead could be that hot? It’s his rakish smile, even though he’s a royal and all. I see him and it’s just, ‘Oh my. That is a fine-looking man.’ I have dreams about him, too.”
Who else gets pulses racing? “My passion for Viggo Mortensen has not flagged in more than 10 years—it started when I saw him as Aragon in Lord of the Rings,” says Jeannie. “I swoon just thinking about him giving his speech to his troops outside the gates of Mordar. Oh, and full frontal Viggo in Captain Fantastic—better still. Purr. My husband knows; he just shrugs.”
Adds Lizzie, “I was going to say that I don’t have crushes, but then I remembered Mark Ruffalo. He’s a hot guy. It’s a fun kind of fantasy…a shot of adrenaline where you feel more alive.”
Getting the Rush Again
Other women say their crushes don’t stay consistent. Explains Willa, “I have a new crush almost daily. I need looks, smarts and sex appeal. Most recently, that’s meant Chris Cuomo, the Rock, Eddie Redmayne, Adrien Brody, Bono, Bruce…should I keep going? Part of me at this stage feels less in touch with my old sexy self. Guys don’t check me out the way they used to. I’ve entered that invisible zone. Crushes give me a rush of that vibe again. Love ‘em!”
“It’s a fun kind of fantasy…a shot of adrenaline where you feel more alive.”
In fact, these robust crushes reveal just how sexual many midlife women are. They feel in tune with—and totally open to—that kind of connection. “The reality is, most women fantasize about someone,” says Lori Gottlieb, a licensed therapist, author of the “What Your Therapist Really Thinks” column and the best-seller Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. “It may be a coworker or a celebrity, but these are the norm versus not having them. And no, they aren’t a sign of dissatisfaction with your current relationship. Women who have crushes are usually very satisfied and vital. The crushes are healthy and affirming.”
The Cougar Complex
But so many midlife women feel sheepish about crushes. Says Diane, “My most embarrassing crush is Robert Pattinson—you know, the guy in Twilight. He must be almost 30 now, and with him out of his 20s I feel a little less like a dirty old woman.” That image of an older woman lusting after a younger guy has been a punchline to bad jokes for ages.
According to Gottlieb, “There’s been the idea that it’s inappropriate for women of a certain age to express such feelings…that we’re childish or slutty. There’s been shame involved. But in recent years women are feeling more confident and not ashamed to be sexual creatures. They’re acknowledging it and proclaiming it, and the culture is starting to shift.”
What Good Fantasies Can Do
Indeed, indulging in a crush can be a positive force. “When you have those sparks, I say go with them,” says Sherry Amatenstein, LCSW, a NYC-based therapist and editor of the anthology How Does That Make Your Feel? True Confessions from Both Sides of the Therapy Couch. “Sex drive changes over time, and a crush can be a good way to spark your sexuality.”
Amatenstein doesn’t believe in crushes being kept secret, either. “You can say to your significant other, ‘Oh, there’s a new movie out with Viggo—I think he’s hot stuff. Let’s go see it.’” But she recommends adding, “You get to pick the next movie—anyone you want to watch, I’m in.”
“Sex drive changes over time, and a crush can be a good way to spark your sexuality.”
Plus, smart women appreciate that they and their partners can be the beneficiaries of these lusty infatuations. Amanda, 59, says, “Honestly, my sex drive isn’t what it used to be. It feels kind of buried. When the random crush strikes, I run with it. Fantasize. It’s like my trigger to feel ‘juicy’ again. And my husband is that much happier, whether he knows Blake Shelton (guilty pleasure!) is responsible or not.”
The Platonic Crush
Not all women experience their crushes as hot and heavy. Some have what they call “platonic” crushes. Listen to how Amanda describes hers: “I love Stephen Colbert. He’s brilliant, funny, articulate, happily married, and faith-filled, which isn’t usually a pull for me, but he’s so incredibly decent and honorable. It’s part of what makes him so attractive to me. It’s not like I’m daydreaming about hopping into bed with him—but I am really, really into this man.”
“My crushes have a component of ‘Wow, he’s so good-looking,’ but it’s also about feeling convinced that we would actually have things in common and be friends,” says Victoria. “With the guys I crush on, I imagine meeting them, and they are into me in a way that most men aren’t interested in a 62-year-old woman. There would be chemistry.”
Gottlieb explains these feelings: “As we age, women aren’t acknowledged in the way we were at age 25. The intensity and frequency of interested looks, of being checked out by someone, decline. Research says that we women desire when we feel desired, that’s a big turn-on for us.” So if some daydreaming about a celebrity unlocks that desire—gives us a way to channel that craving to feel we are seen and wanted—then bring on the Viggo Mortensen film fest.
A version of this article was originally published in November 2017.
Emily Perks says
For me its kpop idols, they’re so pretty. Especially the members of the groups ASTRO and ATEEZ.
Elaine Camper says
Recording artist JOE. When he signs that song More and More / watching him in the video.Omg. Yes. Be still my ❤️.
Barbara Weddle says
Loved this article about crushes. Nearly everything in it rang true for me, especially that women “desire when we feel desired.” I’m not attracted to celebrities; however, I still have crushes. And I’m in my 70s. I still look great, so, often, I still attract attention. Sometimes I’m ashamed about this, but more often it reminds me that I’m still alive, still a woman.
Erica says
I always a thing for
WIlliam Shatner in his Star Trek days…. corr! He was very sexy in his tight uniform and high heeled boots!
Sharon Cotal says
I’m on Team Viggo!
Regina Argentin says
Curly from the three stooges
Terry Oliphant says
TRAVIS FIMMEL
Katy Bowman says
I am 54 years old and hadn’t had a “crush” in years. Any teen idol I had a crush on when I was a teenybopper is dead now too.
Magda Wolk says
Willy, lead singer, Reckless Kelly!! Be still my heart!❤️❤️❤️
Meghan Howie-Timmel says
Ben Platt
Telma Luna says
Viggo, com certeza!!
Beverly Cotten says
Daniel Craig
Patricia Lee Prange-Smith says
Bill Nighy
Elizabeth Ann McKay says
Viggo… & Tom Hiddleston (killer smile)
Barbara Nelson says
Good to.know.
Deborah Scott says
Dwayne Johnson – a beautiful man! Love the beard!
Maria Kirwin says
Sam Elliot
Melanie Belter says
Aidan Quinn
Mary Laux says
Clive Owen. No words. So handsome
Jane Carroll says
Elizabeth Spears Johnston says
David Tennant and Sam Heughan. Love Scottish guys!
Judy Haraburda says
Dominic Purcell from Prison Break
Laurie Gauthier-Jones says
Jeff Goldblum makes me crazy at the knees
Kathy Stogner says
Alexander Skarsgard..if you’ve seen the latest Tarzan you’d know why.
Carol Flake Chapman says
I have just one. Richard Thompson.
Glenda Pierce Hoffmann says
Idris Elba, Sam Elliot.
Elaine Camper says
Sam Elliot. It’s the voice.
Lori Richardson says
Sam Elliott….Justin Trudeau….Jon Bon Jovi…Liam Neeson…Kevin Cosner….Denzel Washington….Jeff Bridges…..Kurt Russell….Richard Gere….Sting….Mark Harmon….Tom Selleck…so many sexy men, so many crushes everytime I watch on old movie or hear an old song 🙂
Rocky Bridges Chura says
I’m with Lori on all her choices!
Rocky Bridges Chura says
I must add Eric Roberts
Connie Shamblin DeBord says
Rob Lowe and Johnny Rodriguez
Jill Jorgensen says
Always Tom Jones, forever
Elaine Fry Daly says
Janet Bocciardi here’s Viggo! We can crush together!
Jeannie Ralston says
YESSS!!
Mary Reddell says
Idris Elba
Glenda Pierce Hoffmann says
Yaaaaasssss!
Michele Maher Burbank says
Keith Urban
Melissa Jackson says
Sam Rockwell
Emily MacEwen says
Viggo? JuJu Julie Larsen
Julie Larsen says
Dude I named my car after him
Jeannie Ralston says
Julie Larsen I gosh you’ve got it worse than me then. Maybe I’ll call my Leaf Viggo.
Tammy Edwards says
Pedro Pascal….. dear Lord, and sweet baby Jesus. ❤️
Wendy L Cohan says
The Australian actor Robert Taylor, star of “Longmire” on Netflix. The shower scene in one of the early shows. Oh, my. So sad that this is the final season on Netflix. I hope someone else will pick it up and go on to produce another season.
Karen Orr says
Yes, he is a handsome fellow. Viggo Mortenson is attractive, too.
Eliså Nudelman Winter says
Aahhh, Viggo…..
Geri Lynn Matthews says
He’s handsome in person
Jeannie Ralston says
Geri Lynn Matthews I would faint to meet him in person!
Geri Lynn Matthews says
Jeannie Ralston was background actor in film with him
NextTribe says
Geri Lynn Matthews Be still my heart. Which film???
Geri Lynn Matthews says
NextTribe
Julie Hammond Pasicznyk says
Andy Garcia ,Sam Heughan
Beth Woods says
Justin Trudeau!
Susan Kyle Inglis says
Author Neil Gaiman, until he got remarried. He’s tall, dark and handsome.
Jill Jorgensen says
I love him too