Not to advocate for violence or anything, but what ever happened to a nice solid face slapping?
In the wake of the Weinstein scandal, it occurs to me it might be time to resurrect the good old-fashioned slap in the face. I’m not talking about the bitch slap (defined, per urban etymology, as woman on woman). I mean what I call the beast slap — what a lady would deliver to any individual who dared to physically affront her. Grab, grope, or otherwise touch me without permission? Meet my five stinging friends, squarely between cheek and jowl.
Face Slapping for the Next Generation
Such a slap may well have been a knee-jerk reaction for our mothers if confronted with a “masher” (as sexual abusers were known back then). Should we not employ it ourselves — and recommend it to our daughters? We’re encouraged to learn self-defense as protection against those who lurk in dark alleys. Why not take matters into our own hand upon encountering a molester in the professional or social sphere?
In the movies of our era, we watched Cher slap Nicolas Cage (Moonstruck), Meg Ryan slap Billy Crystal (When Harry Met Sally) and Andie MacDowell repeatedly slap Bill Murray (Groundhog Day). And of course we’ve all seen Vivian Leigh’s slap-happy Scarlett lay one on Clark Gable’s Rhett. These cinematic smacks were delivered for offenses less serious than unwanted sexual contact — and the effect was immediate and sobering.
But if physically connecting with a slimeball in any way seems too repugnant, at least make use of the irrevocable vocal slap. Give the beast a “No!” “Stop!” “Get the *%&#^@ away from me!” As Lupita Nyong’o wrote in The New York Times about her horrific encounters with Weinstein: “Let us never shut up about this kind of thing.”
A version of this article was originally published in October 2017.
You’re joking? You really think slapping a dude is going to stop him from sexual harassment, groping or rape? If anything, you will either end up with the tables turned and the dude laying assault charges on you OR he will accelerate his own physical assault on you with the justification that YOU started it. WORST ADVICE EVER. Clearly, this person has never had to deal with a sexual assault or Harvey Weinstien situation.
Absoutlely untrue. And as a matter of fact, I have had to fend and fight off sexual and street attacks- numerous times from travel days and more… inlcuding wanna be rapists. (And my story does not stand alone.)
And I am not suggesting that a slap would have necessarily been or be the best “tool” to use against Weinstein, of course not, a complex terrifying situation, although it could be used and has been used, powerfully not in a weak way and often followed by other close range explosive moves no-nonsense moves in order to stun an assailant or would-be aggressor or molestor long enough (seconds even) to make one’s escape. (From Body blocking or front pin type situations or mauling.) If his hands are occupied and your hands or hand is free, using suprise and focus that becomes an opportune time to make one’s move if a woman chooses.. Or perhapas my preferred moves- ear clapping, like a bomb going off in one’s head and disrupting the vestibular balance system to then breakaway.
Im sorry that you misread my post and my point. This was not a comment specifcally about Weinstein. I was merely repsonding to the orignal post about slaps- and clafirying that not all slaps will do, and how to make them work. (With training in fact power slaps to the carotid artery and jaw can render a person unconsious, creating a change in blood pressure and thwarting blood flow to the brain. But I did not intend to get technical here…And I wouldn’t count on that! Never count on one move!)
A power slap is best used to get someone off you in a stand up situation also allowing you to create some space to do more or give a monster shove and get away, while yelling like a Banshee to draw attention. Think; drunk engulfing you outside a woman’s bathroom or other private corner… and / or a very rude cat.
If your life is in imminent danger, I would not recommend this move unless it’s what we call a “can opener”.
Submission is always a viable option and never to be shamed nor a woman blamed in any way.
I’m about giving women choices and this would be a tool – I’m not saying necesssarily the best one re: Weinstein, although it could depending on variables at hand. If one has seconds to escape before being brutally beaten or choked…. doing what you must to escape is wise, terrifying as it is. Every situation is different and has to be assessed. ultimately the solution to stopping this horror lies in a radical shift in the male mindset of violent entitlements. And as with Weinstein (hopefully) delivering real consequences.
Today many women are choosing to fight back to escape. Unlike yesteryear.
I’m also formerly a truama therapist and have spent my entire life working with and for women. So pls hold any insinuated insult or accusation.
I will agree with you here: if a woman isn’t prepared to follow up any one move…. she runs the risk of further esclating inadvertently. Which is why my teaching gets into full blast scenarios and going full force if one chooses to go physical. I dont sugarcoat the reality of violene and what it takes to fend off a larger stronger creature. I teach a continuum of skills for addressing the range of instrusion and attacks and types of violations women are most likely to face: from unwanted touching and wrist grabs to setting and safeguarding boundaries up to violent sexual attack. From strangers and non-strangers. In this situation with a power abusing serial predator, obviously other kinds of interventions and actions need to be called into play. It’s not about one woman.
I am outraged about all this beyond words..
If you’re interested I post real world stories of this sort- woman fighting back with practical women-specific methods on my training page. More and more women are fighitng back and escaping further violence or thwarting it in its incipient stages. Bottom Line: Women needs options and choices and we all need to be prepard to deal with would be assailants. But we need smart training geared for women’s physical, psychological and emotional and cultural realites. And to re-negotiate our relationshiop with fear- with who we can be and what we are capable of with our hearts pounding in fear- and learn to take power.
Again I am not suggesting that this is the answer to the likes of Weinsten serial predators or power abusers. Of course not.
I’m on FB under MelissaSoalt Fierce and Female Training and Consultancy.
Speaking as a forerunner and award-winner in empowerment based women’s self defense, having trained thousands of women in various countries, and as a former trauma therapist, I am delighted to see this bit of outrage, which I feel and can validate times a thousand. Sometimes force is needed, when the only way out is through. I sincerely hope in this day and age, that the idea and reality of wielding explosive physical force in self defense is not a conflict.
Self defense exists on a continuum, from dealing with unwanted touch to setting forceful verbal and spatial boundaries; from recognizing behavioral clues to danger or would-be assault, to dealing with enraged exes. to fighting back with focused female ferocity in a sexual or physical assault from a variety of rape specific pins and position. And lots more… It is certainly not just for counterattacking strangers in dark alleys. It is about knowing where you draw the line, what you hold sacred, what is non-negotiable and uncompromising.
Power slaps, as we call them, can even knock a man out! But the key to delivering powerful slaps vs. half-hearted – Oh you cad!- kind of slaps which can inadvertently enrage or escalate a man (because… how dare you, oh, woman!), lies in using your whole body to bring it to bear. Instead of thinking that your hand is the weapon, think of rotating and driving your whole body, your whole self into your slap driven from the hips and lower body so that it crackles and stuns either getting your message across and halting the behavior, or buying you critical seconds to get away.
There are other moves for close encounters of the wrong kind… for example, with a slightly cupped hand and again, whole body power, you can slap or clap an ear, potentially sounding like a bomb going off and creating a neurological balance wobble. Do it twice and escape! Yelling and adding your voice will add power to your move – as much as 33 percent more- and potentially help draw attention to your situation.
Don’t just think, hit. Think, strike, bamm, and driving through a target with our hub of power: our hips! Take control. Own the power. Find your fierce!
When women learn how to use their bodies to deliver power and re-negotiate with fear — and who we can be and what we can do with our hearts pounding in fear– we learn: We too can be dangerous.