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10 Reasons Why I Don’t Have a Smartphone

NextTribe no smartphone

My cell phone (basically, a metal candy bar — perhaps you owned a similar one in 1999) doesn’t have a camera, apps, or a soothing, competent voice of its own. It can make and receive phone calls, but only occasionally because it gets really crappy service. (I’m told that’s due to my service provider, not the phone itself). Why do I insist on living in the past? Let me count the ways!

  1. I don’t have a smartphone because I don’t need one. I have a chip on my shoulder about this — a chip about the size of a Google Nexus 6. If I got a smart phone, I would need it, desperately.
  2. My children have fur and lack opposable thumbs. They don’t text, so why should I?
  3. Much as I love cheeseburgers, I’m not compelled to photograph and post them so friends can salivate with envy. I just want to eat my cheeseburger before it gets cold.
  4. I don’t want another thing to lose.
  5. I don’t want another thing to break.
  6. I don’t want another thing to pay for. Thanks to my “legacy plan,” I can roll over unused minutes, so last year, this big spender dropped exactly $20 on minutes.
  7. I do embarrassing things while naked that I don’t want saved for posterity.
  8. Getting lost lets me tap into my spirit of adventure.
  9. I like the look on people’s faces when I tell them “I don’t text.”
  10. I’m usually right here at my desk, with access to email, the internet and a landline. When I’m not, I’m off the clock and will catch up with you later!

–Nina Malkin


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“Smart phone” = dumb people. GPS = lost people. Yes, it happens. You have to limit yourself.

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