Be Part of Our Tribe!

Get weekly updates on stories and upcoming special events.


10 Reasons Why I Don’t Have a Smartphone

NextTribe no smartphone

My cell phone (basically, a metal candy bar — perhaps you owned a similar one in 1999) doesn’t have a camera, apps, or a soothing, competent voice of its own. It can make and receive phone calls, but only occasionally because it gets really crappy service. (I’m told that’s due to my service provider, not the phone itself). Why do I insist on living in the past? Let me count the ways!

  1. I don’t have a smartphone because I don’t need one. I have a chip on my shoulder about this — a chip about the size of a Google Nexus 6. If I got a smart phone, I would need it, desperately.
  2. My children have fur and lack opposable thumbs. They don’t text, so why should I?
  3. Much as I love cheeseburgers, I’m not compelled to photograph and post them so friends can salivate with envy. I just want to eat my cheeseburger before it gets cold.
  4. I don’t want another thing to lose.
  5. I don’t want another thing to break.
  6. I don’t want another thing to pay for. Thanks to my “legacy plan,” I can roll over unused minutes, so last year, this big spender dropped exactly $20 on minutes.
  7. I do embarrassing things while naked that I don’t want saved for posterity.
  8. Getting lost lets me tap into my spirit of adventure.
  9. I like the look on people’s faces when I tell them “I don’t text.”
  10. I’m usually right here at my desk, with access to email, the internet and a landline. When I’m not, I’m off the clock and will catch up with you later!

–Nina Malkin


Leave a Reply

Be the First to Comment!

Notify of

More Outrage

NextTribe scrunchie comeback

The Terrible Return of the Scrunchie!

All apologies to Ruth Bader Ginsburg who never gave them up, but when I saw that scrunchies were back, I felt squeamish. It’s hard to believe that the most brilliant minds in fashion and beauty can’t come up with a non-damaging hair-holder better than that poufy 80s eyesore.

> Read More

Next Tribe judge aquilina backlash

The Judge Aquilina Backlash: How Can Anyone Criticize Our Hero?

How many of us cheered inwardly or actually jumped up and down when we heard Judge Rosemary Aquilina sentence Larry Nasser, the former doctor for the Olympic gymnastics doctor? Who thought anyone could find fault with her strong words to a creep convicted of serial sexual molestation of young girls?

Guess what? There are reports of a backlash against the judge for “grandstanding.”

> Read More

email icon

Subscribe to the Tribe!

We will only use your email to send you a weekly digest of new stories posted on the site and occasionally to let you know about special events. But that’s it. Period. Cross our hearts.

Editor’s Picks

©2018 NextTribe