Can’t Sleep? Why We Get Midlife Insomnia and How to Cope

My husband, Gordon, and I are compatible in many ways, but not in the bedroom. Our sex life isn’t the problem. It’s sleep. He falls into such a deep stupor that he once snoozed through an earthquake so strong it rattled pictures off the wall. Me? A dog’s sigh or a sliver of light is enough to jolt me awake, and, once roused, my brain mulishly resists re-immersion.

I’ve tried Benadryl, NyQuil, and prescription benzodiazepines. Each salvages a few nights, then stops working. Gordon is as sympathetic as someone who drifts off in the middle of a long afternoon conference call can possibly be. But his uncomplicated relationship with slumber actually makes me feel worse. I’m fit and healthy, yet at the not-old age of 54, my body is betraying me. I feel like a guy with erectile dysfunction. Why am I suddenly unable to perform this simple biological function?

I feel like a guy with erectile dysfunction. Why am I suddenly unable to perform this simple biological function?

It’s not just me. My midlife friends and I now swap sleep advice as enthusiastically as we used to trade diet tips. Among the 35 percent of adults who complain of midlife insomnia, women outnumber men two to one. “In perimenopause, hormones start shifting and life stresses are high—both of which can keep you up at night,” explains Joyce Walsleben, PhD, past director of New York University School of Medicine’s Sleep Disorders Center.