As if we didn’t already have enough to worry about, painful sex takes on a whole new meaning after menopause.
“Okay, Ouch,” I cried.
His eyes got wide. “What?” he asked.
“That feels like road rash all up inside there, use more lubrication, please…” My sensitive husband administered about half the bottle of Astroglide in the hope that I would remember how much I love having sex with him. No such luck. It just hurt.
“Damn. I’m going to research the best lubrication on the planet and then order a case,” he said. My husband is like that—super kind and very motivated when it comes to getting his (our) needs met.
Menopause and painful sex
Menopause is the culprit for all kinds of changes that can plague a woman and, by extension, her partner. Sleep loss, brain fog, mood shifts, hot flashes, and, of course, a thinning of the vaginal wall—which causes the dreaded “sandpaper sex.”
This can be a good reason for changing things up instead of doing the same stale moves.
You’d think that bleeding monthly, growing babies in our uterus, giving birth, and managing all the details that accompany these gigantic events would be enough responsibility for women. More than enough. But then when you are finally free of all that, free again to enjoy time with your husband, along comes a cruel joke: menopause.
Many of my friends are in the same position (ha ha). For one friend, sex hurts so much she has refused her husband’s advances for months because of tears in her vaginal wall. This has prompted him to suggest he go to another source for sex. When I heard this, I yelled at her. “You go home right now and give that man a blow job, for God’s sake.” When I asked another friend if sex was painful, she said, ”I don’t know. We don’t do it any more.”
Thanks to this newfound approach and the cases of Penchant Premium lubricant we store in our garage, we still have wonderful sex; it’s just different than it was before menopause.
The case of the disappearing libido
That’s another consequence of menopause—lagging libido. Menopause happens because the ovaries create less estrogen and progesterone, which can diminish a woman’s sex drive. For me, it’s like I simply forget about sex. The thrill and desire for it just doesn’t hit my radar the way it used to. This reality for me is thankfully counterbalanced by my new lack of concern about pregnancy, a blessed absence of monthly bleeding, and a new sassy, irreverent attitude in our sex life. It’s ridiculously refreshing. I feel free.
It’s important to embrace the change you’re going through. Work with what you’ve got. Don’t deny it or hide it. This can be a good reason for changing things up instead of doing the same stale moves. Now is the time to be bolder about asking for what you want (be specific, bossy, and maybe even selfish) and to experiment with new enlivening turn-ons. How about watching tasteful soft porn (season 1 of Game of Thrones will probably do the trick), or shopping together, either online or at your local sex toy shop, as a type of foreplay?
Thanks to this newfound approach and the cases of Penchant Premium lubricant we store in our garage, we still have wonderful sex; it’s just different than it was before menopause. We take our time; we play and chat more. Morning sex is more common (no kids at home!) and foreplay is prolonged (more lube!), and sometimes it turns into wrestling matches or fits of laughter. Now when I cry out during sex, it’s almost always for the good reason.