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Breakup Retreats: Could They Help Heal Your Heart?

Nina Malkin
If you’re ready to recover from a romance gone bust, travel might prove to be just the ticket to exorcise your ex!

When his baby left him, Elvis found a new place to dwell—”down at the end of Lonely Street, at Heartbreak Hotel.” The King was on to something. Wouldn’t it be nice if a brief stay at a well-appointed heartbreak hotel could banish the pain and get your life back on track? 

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It’s clearly a concept whose time has come, since these days there’s a variety of heartache holidays on offer—complete with targeted workshops and tailored spa treatments. Whether you’re hurting from the demise of a decades-long marriage or the abrupt end of a shorter relationship, you might be intrigued by a travel experience that purports to cure your blues. It could be one of these targeted breakup retreats or a getaway of your own design.

And it might just work! “Recovering from a breakup requires actively dealing with it—but where and how you do it is up to you,” says NYC-based therapist Sherry Amatenstein, LCSW, author of The Complete Marriage Counselor. “During and after a bad breakup, it can be hard to see anything outside yourself. Travel can open things up for you, with new surroundings and new people giving you a new perspective. Then you can see, ‘There’s more to the world—there’s more to me!’”

Crayolas, Asanas, Heavenly Creatures…

Curious about the heartbreak holidays? Writer Jennifer Wilson, exploring the “new business of breakups” recently for The New Yorker, spent several days at “Healing from Heartbreak: A Woman’s Path from Devastation to Rebirth” at the Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health, in Stockbridge, Massachusetts. A three-day workshop, it’s led by Sara Avant Stover, an author and certified practitioner of a form of psychotherapy called Internal Family Systems.  While there, Wilson engaged in a series of exercises that included drawing a heartbreak timeline in crayon and holding a yoga position that caused a pulled muscle—which led her to a massage therapist who channeled celestial beings. 

Some retreats may make you smirk with their woo-woo programs, but you get to spend time with a group going through similar trauma.

Those of us in midlife may smirk at this, since when we got hit with our first bout of heartbreak, the only consolation available might have been a good cry. Or, with the self-help phenomenon in full swing, perhaps we read a book or two (or 12). If we were truly fortunate, however, we had our friends’ shoulders to cry on. And that sort of support is one of the keys to heartbreak workshop success. 

“You’re with a  group of people going through similar trauma,” Amatenstein says. “It’s powerful to share and connect with others who understand. You feel less alone—just by being together, you help each other.”

Getting Your Groove Back

Meditation and yoga are part of the Healing from Heartbreak retreat at Kripala Center for Yoga & Health

Of course, not everyone feels comfortable unburdening among strangers at one of these breakup retreats. That’s when a good old-fashioned girls’ trip might be ideal. Even if no one else in your crew is currently heartbroken, they’ve all been there before at least once and for sure they have your best interest at heart. “Or call that friend who lives in another city—chances are she’ll say, ‘Come visit me!’” Amatenstein suggests.

A solo soujourn a la Eat, Pray, Love might be the best road to recovery.

Yet for some of us, a solo sojourn a la Eat, Pray, Love might be the best road to recovery. Take Laurie Kramer*, who headed for a tropical resort by herself after she and her partner of many years split. “All I wanted was to be in a warm, beautiful place,” she says. “But there was a guy on staff—we flirted a bit all week. Then one night toward the end of my stay, I was kind of tipsy, and I heard the ocean calling; I just jumped in. Well, next thing I knew, there he was! It was after midnight, the stars were out, we swam for a minute or so. Then we shared the most incredible, passionate kiss. That was it—just that one kiss and I went back to my room. Who knows, maybe this was part of his job description! I don’t care. That one kiss made me feel so much  better about myself and my future, and I’ll never forget it.” 

Read more: Destination Dating: How (and Why) to Date Out of State

Beware Too Much of a Good Thing

Laurie’s little erotic escapade may well have provided just enough juice to get her to the next level of heartbreak healing. “Flirtation can be healthy because it reminds you that you are still attractive, still desirable,” Amatenstein says. “And it’s fine to have a fling, too—as long as you know it’s just a fling. But the rebound can be real, so be careful if you’re in a vulnerable post-breakup state—you don’t want to compound the pain.” 

Travel can be a great post-breakup escape, but don’t avoid the issues behind the end of your romance.

Moreover, if you use travel to avoid facing the issues behind the breakup, you’re not doing yourself any favors. “Travel is great, but you’ve got to come home eventually,” Amatenstein says. “If you’re longing for your next trip as soon as you get back, going away becomes running away—an obstacle to the work of recovery.”

Would a Workshop Work for You?

As part of the Chable Hotels’ Healing Heartbreak program, travelers take part in a temazcal, an ancient healing ritual.

Call it a micro-trend: a unique travel experience with breakup bounce-back built right in. Beyond the kind of breakup workshops at Kripalu, consider former relationship columnist (think: Carrie Bradshaw) Amy Chan’s Renew Breakup Bootcamp in upstate New York and Mendocino, California. Coaches at the four-day retreat include a sex therapist, a somatic expert, and (umm, okay) a dominatrix.

Or perhaps go further, to the luxurious Chablé Hotels in Mexico, where the Healing Heartbreak program includes Sound of the Sea spa treatments and a Rain Goddess ritual designed to emotionally and physically refresh and heal.

Go in with an open mind to stretch and heal, otherwise you’ll just be wasting your time (and money!)

For a breakup workshop to be effective, however, you’ve got to enter it with an open mind. “The exercises and activities can help you understand the ‘why’ of what happened in your relationship, but if you’re rolling your eyes, guess what, at the end of the workshop you’re not just heartbroken, you’re also broke!” Amatenstein says. (The Kripalu site lists Stover’s workshop at $399, plus accommodations, which comes out to $766 for a bunk bed in the dormitory.)

Design Your Own Breakup Retreat

Anyone opting to devise her own journey to exorcise an ex should balance novel experiences with self care. Interesting activities and excursions, yes, but not to the point of exhaustion. If a spa is on the agenda, don’t just lie there and be slathered—take a vegetarian cooking or nutrition course, try a form of fitness that’s new to you. 

Just planning the trip will likely lift your spirits; to get started, make a list of what’s important to you on vacation in general (for example: the ocean, hiking, culture, cuisine) and create a trip around what you write down. And if there’s any place you’ve always wanted to visit that your partner nixed, the time might be right, right now!  

Whatever you do, make it meaningful. “Travel is wonderful as a transition between major life changes, be it retirement, downsizing your living space, or a breakup,” Amatenstein says, urging us to remember that we’re not the same women we were in our 20s and 30s. “At that age, a breakup can feel like the end of the world. Now, with all our years of experience and wisdom, we know that’s not so—yet we should also realize that we don’t have time to waste on wallowing. Time is at a premium. Let’s do things that truly hold value for us.”

*Name and some details have been changed

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  • Nina has been working with words since the late twentieth century, as a journalist, novelist, and educator. When she's not typing away, she's likely at the beach!

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