My quest to experience Japan originated quite a few years ago and ran through unexpected places– Hawai’i and South Carolina.

My mother—and her mother—grew up in Hawai’i, an unorthodox upbringing for a Scottish family. They landed there because the family traveled to Hawai’i to raise cattle on the famous Parker Ranch. When my grandmother was young, the family moved to Honolulu to live in Manoa, adjacent to the mountain. My Mom was born, raised, and thrived in between the shadow of a mountain and the expanse of the Pacific.

NextTribe takes small groups of women ages 45+ on fun, transformational trips. We are returning to Japan next fall with more curious travelers like Tammy.  Learn more here. 

My Mom loved Hawai’i and regaled us with her stories of swimming in waterfalls, gathering at the family beach house, running around in bare feet, and the exquisite tastes of the island. She grew up surrounded by diverse people—Hawaiians, Chinese, Filipino, Portuguese, and Japanese, to name a few. We—my nine siblings and I—were nurtured with the leanings and appreciation of the Asian and Hawaiian cultures.

When I was in graduate school at the Citadel in Charleston, SC, one of my courses delved into Japanese literature, including its culture, arts, and customs. The society’s attention to detail—especially in communication, relationships, and presentation—captivated me, and I recognized a smidgen of myself in their practices (of course because of my mom). To be able to travel to the mothership of Japan would fester from then on, yet little did I know it would take until I was 60 years old to actually make it a reality.

A Dream Fulfilled

Earlier this year, I journeyed to Japan with Next Tribe, and what I experienced of the Japanese culture surpasses anything I imagined. To say the Japanese people are gracious is an understatement. From the traffic guards to the shop stewards to people on the street, a masterful level of patience and civility pervaded my encounters. The Japanese, quite frankly, make loveliness an art.

No one spoke when on mass transit, sitting quietly on phones, reading or eating.

Bowing in greeting stands out as one of my favorite practices. It was awkward at first, but I came to appreciate this simple act of acknowledgment as a semi-formal, eyes-on-you moment when both parties show a touch of singular focus, letting each other know of their presence and gratitude.

Organized chaos reigned on the trains, subways, and streets. People would walk on one side, wait tolerantly for signs to change when crossing the street (even if there were no cars in sight), and even step aside if you were unaware of the customs, to let you pass. No one spoke when on mass transit, sitting quietly on phones, reading or eating. There was no yelling or cursing or flipping off drivers; the cities were almost tranquil. The crowds seemed to understand their place in keeping things moving with as little fanfare as possible.

Tolerance and Elegance

When shopping, clerks wrapped your purchases in bags with washi tape—even if it was worth a couple of dollars. In more expensive stores, the wrapping could become even more ornate, the bags printed with flowers and wrapped as a gift, with the plain tape covered by attractive washi tape. It’s as if they regard your purchase as a gift that they present to you, treating it with the same care and concern as you would. 

Even in the airport, their grace was demonstrated by the amount of tolerance they showed me as I was trying on different types of perfume and wavering back and forth before finding the scent that was in keeping with my own chemistry—and still smelled divine.

The food preparation exists in a category all by itself.

The food preparation exists in a category all by itself. I’ve never seen such attention given to create the absolute exquisite dishes we were served while in Japan. The textures, colors, and varieties of diverse foods were positioned on striking dishware, adding to its overall expression. Mealtime was like a discreet performance with courteous servers gently offering each course and taking finished dishes away. It was a masterclass in entertaining, to say the least.

There were many other examples of the elegantly amiable Japanese culture, the tendency to allow you to go first or the helpfulness of every service person, for example.  

And Humor Too

And don’t believe everything was controlled demonstration. Our guide laughed with abandon; their art danced; the child-like anime expressed light-heartedness; and the female chef we were lucky to meet bantered as she created. Even some of the trains were decorated with Hello Kitty.

The Japanese people both impressed me and made me long for some of the same expectations in America. There’s much to learn from their example.