We’d had the puppy for two months when I realized we were in deep. Our little rescue hound-dog mix named Beastie was on our back balcony, and her floppy ears began twitching when she heard a bird singing. My husband and I could see the cardinal in the tree.
“That’s a bird,” Brian said, emphasizing the last word. “Bird,” he repeated patiently as he stroked her little black and tan head.
It had been 17 years since he had spoken that way—back when our youngest son was a baby. I started snickering.
“What?” Brian asked, turning toward me.
“I’m waiting for you to say, `Can you say Bird?'” I shook my head. “Is this where we’re heading now that the girls are gone? Obnoxious puppy parenthood?”
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Being Obnoxious Puppy Parents Is in Our DNA
I already knew the answer. The tendency to baby our dogs is part of our DNA as a couple. When we first got married, we were so over-the-top in love with our two dogs, Ansel and KayKay, that I even made myself want to puke. And laugh at the same time.
I had complete self-awareness that we were pathetic, obnoxious puppy parents, but I couldn’t stop myself. Back then I called ourselves “Yuppie Puppy Parents.” I remember calling my mother from Bangkok a couple of years after we got married. I wanted her to know which kennel our dogs were staying at while we were gone. “In case anything happens to us, please don’t split them up,” I said weeping. “I don’t think they could take it.”
“Oh, for God’s Sake, you need to have kids,” my mother snarled back.
When either of them nuzzles my neck, I am transported back to the time when my boys were little and would fall asleep on my shoulder.
And we did. Those first two dogs always remained dear to us, but after our girls arrived they assumed a more reasonable spot in the hierarchy of our hearts. They were pals to Sarah and Josie and lived long happy lives, but we eventually moved on after they left our family (though I should mention I slipped into a pretty bad depression after we lost the first of the two, KayKay).
But now that the girls are off at college, I can see that my need to nurture and mother has transferred to our sweet canines: five-year-old Lollie and the new puppy Beastie. I gingerly inspect paws for burrs if one ends up limping and tend to hurt feelings when the two of them fight over a chew toy. I like nothing better than to sit on the sofa with one lying in my lap, even though they’re each almost 50 pounds. When either of them nuzzles my neck, I am transported back to the time when my girls were little and would fall asleep on my shoulder.
Surrogate Four-Legged Children

The author with her dogs in the Facebook photo posted by a restaurant, which led to a big tip!
I think Brian has it worse than I do. Besides baby-talking to them, he’ll snuggle up with them for naps, positively ecstatic if Beastie wraps herself around him. Whenever he cooks, he makes them treats as well and lets them lick his empty oatmeal bowl in the morning. He keeps track of the puppy’s poop schedule better than any nervous new mother.
Since Beastie’s arrival, I’ve noticed us changing our lives around for the dogs. Just as we did when our girls were tiny and were on certain nap and feeding schedules, we plan outings and dinners with friends based on Beastie—how long we think she can stay in her kennel without a break. We’ve started taking them with us whenever possible, getting to know which restaurants welcome dogs on their patios.
He keeps track of the puppy’s poop schedule better than any nervous new mother.
When we took a recent jaunt to the beach over our daughters’ spring break from college, pleasing the dogs figured in almost as prominently in our planning as making the girls happy. We didn’t mind paying a premium for a pet-friendly VRBO rental, and you should have seen us introducing the puppy to the ocean. No, it’s a good thing you didn’t. Just think about how parents react when their baby begins walking and you’ll get the idea. [Insert gagging noise.]
One day at lunch on our trip, our waitress took a photo of the dogs sitting with us at an outdoor table. When she asked if she could post it on the restaurant’s Facebook page, we were as proud as the mom and dad of a star little leaguer. Oh, and the waitress gave them treats too. She sure knew the way to the heart of a person with grown kids, and her tip reflected it.
I have visions of us one day morphing into one of those couples who won’t travel without their pets—the kind you see patiently pacing the patch of green at interstate gas stations across the country, dogs on leashes in tow. The kind who figures out a way to get their dogs classified as service animals so they can sit with them on planes. The kind who are just a bit dotty and ridiculous, buying dog sweaters, celebrating puppy birthdays, getting doggy acupuncture to ease any pains. What am I saying? We’re practically there.
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Debbie Tall says
Oh we are there lol
Rebecca Morrison Renzi says
My pets ARE my children. We don’t get crazy about it, just a fact of life.
Dar Dwyer says
I love my dogs. They are spoiled. I don’t humanize my dogs by dressing them. They are loyal companions. I do not consider them children. I guess I’m a bitchy dottie dog lady!
Ann says
I’m not a bitchy dottie dog lady but I did adore my Cassie and miss her every day. There is nothing like having a dog in your life. Not a child but a dog and dogs are so very special.
Katja Hennessey says
You can always spoil the puppies.
Mary Sanphy says
I recommend raising your kids like you raise dogs: not a lot of extraneous words, firm uncomplicated rules, lottsa activity (preferably outside), responsibility for their behavior, and lottsa love! Oh, a a few good treats now and then
Angie Gordon says
They are family regardless
Next Tribe says
The dog in your profile pic looks like the one in the photo for the story. Love it!
Maggie Corchnoy says
I was right there with her until she mentioned the fake service dog gambit. We have a service dog – a real one – in the family. People who pass their pets off as service dogs make it tougher for those who have real, working, highly-trained service dogs.
Next Tribe says
Would never do that Maggie, but unfortunately I know people who do!
Maggie Corchnoy says
So do I. I wish they’d think about the burden they place on those with real service dogs. I do understand wanting to have your dog with you all the time. I wish I could take my beagle everywhere, but he’s not my service dog, as his public behavior shows as soon as he sees anything that might be a snack LOL.
Red Morgan says
Really pretty doggie.
Sheila Beasley says
This sounds all to familiar,anyone else.lol
Nancy Hayes says
If you aren’t going to spoil them rotten, why have them. BTW, what’s the canine equivalent of “crazy cat person”?
Next Tribe says
Hmmm. Dotty Dog Person? We need to coin a phrase here and now!
Nancy Hayes says
Next Tribe , sounds good to me. My brother, who never used baby talk with his kids or grandkids, called his dog’s feet “tootsies.” I would have laughed at him, but I’m an idiot over my cats.
Deb Jarrell-Zahner Burstein says
A fur momma?
sacha says
absolutely adorable <3
Holly Adam says
Never.
Kimberly Cihlar says
Never!!!!